King Of The Hill Porn Story: Heatwave Chapter 1

Hello everyone
and welcome to my (short as hell) King of the Hill Fanfic. I do NOT
own King of the Hill. It was created by Mike Judge and is currently
airing on FOX. Oh yeah, and whenever Hwat appears, I KNOW that
it is usually spelled What. On the show, Hank says Hwat
and not What. PLEASE DONT KILL ME! killed anyway And the
smoke part may be a bit surreal, but meh. Also, if it sucks, TELL
ME! Im not an asshole about criticism. If theres a way I can
improve I will try to take the advice and use it. Thank you for
sitting through this 113 word long intro.

The heat wave sent the
temperature into record-breaking levels. Turning on grills was a
useless task-the meat would cook either way. And in the middle of
the whole thing, Dale Gribble was wearing a sweater.

Damn it Dale,
said Hank, opening a cold beer. Why would you be wearing a
sweater?

Hey-man-talkin-bout-that-dang-ol-sweater-man-its-like-dang-ol-million-degrees-man,
said Boomhauer, who was displaying his ability to not pause between
words.

Yknow I tried to
do that once, announced Bill. Remember, a few years ago?

Yes, spat Hank,
and you were sweating ten times more than you usually do.

Bill shed a tear and
hung his head. That was one of the several factors that contributed
to his wife divorcing him. And when I say several, I mean several.
Hank decided to change the subject.

So Dale Hwat in
the hell were you thinking?

Dont you see
Hank? Dale shouted in his oh-my-god-the-world-is-doomed tone.
The only way to stop this from affecting us is to defy it! The
government thinks that we think its nature, but its not! Its
a trick, and this will prove that Im onto them!

That is the craziest
thing Ive ever heard, Hank concluded, rolling his eyes. Youd
better not get that mumbo-jumbo into Bobbys brain, I tell you
hwat.

You wont think
its crazy once this global warming stops, snorted Dale.

Hey! exclaimed
Bill, snapping out of his brief depression. Do I smell a
barbeque?

Hey-that-dang-ol-Dale-man!
shouted Boomhauer, pointing to smoke rising from Dales body.
Get-some-dang-ol-water-man!

Aha! Dale said
triumphantly. I have short circuited the system. He shrieked
like a little girl, then regained his senses (well the ones he
had, anyway). Ive done it.

Dale you idiot!
scolded Hank. Bobby spends his time playing those GameBoy things
and he still has more sense of the real world then you do.

Hank, Im
recording these conversations. Are you sure you want those
words heard? Dale pulled a tape recorder out of his pocket. Hank
promptly smashed it. NOO! Youve destroyed my
evidence!

You should be
thankful, Hank told him. I destroyed key evidence of you being
a jackass.

I see Hank the
exterminator murmured. I get it. After so many years of knowing
you, I finally figured you out.

Good, said Hank.
Now lets stop all this nonsense about the government.

Ive figured out
Dale paused. THAT YOURE ONE OF THEM!

Hank resisted his urge
to kick Dales ass. He picked a beer from the cooler and opened
the can.

So he started,
avoiding his raving (not to mention frying) friend. Did you see
the football game last night?

Hank moaned
Bill, who was crying.

Bill, get over your
divorce, Hank said.

No its not
that The smoke is burning my eyes!

Dale! snapped
Hank. For Gods sake, give up!

NO! Dale refused.
The smoke cloud was increasing greatly. Im this close to
frying the date chip responsible for this!

Hey-man-I-cant-breath-man-that-dang-smoke–

Do you see how much
I smoke every day? snapped Dale. This is nothing. Ill show
everyone who beat me up in high school–

Dale collapsed to the
ground. His hat rolled onto the ground, and the cigarette in his
mouth dropped out. Kahn watched out his window and rolled his eyes.

Redneck neighbors
he sighed.

Dale woke up. He was
floating through a purple abyss, where pictures of giant insects flew
past him. A computer chip was embedded into his chest, and another
was attached to his hatless head. Seeing that made his scream.

This is its

Yes Dale, a voice
answered. Dale turned his head to see a bald man in a business suit
floating next to him. You guessed it.

Dales jaw dropped.
The first reason was because his theories were proven right. The
second reason was because someone saw him without a hat, revealing
his baldness.

The strange man
chuckled, then burst into a white light. The light grew smaller and
changed shape into that of a cat. The light faded, revealing a
purple cat.

You run the
government? Dale asked in an action hero tone (probably to avoid
the fact that he just wet himself).

Yes the cat
purred with an evil grin. Every government

I wont let you
eliminate me. Dale glared through his sunglasses.

I dont need to,
chuckled the evil ruler of the world. No one believes you. Ive
seen all the proof I need today.

BASTARD!
exclaimed Dale, who lunged at the cat. ILL GET YOU!

The cat stepped to the
side. Dale was no longer able to float and dropped straight towards
the bottom of the mysterious dimension. Black abyss grew closer and
closer, until

Dale opened his eyes to
find himself lying in the Arlen hospital. A doctor stared down at
him, shaking his head.

Dale, you scared us.
The burning clothes released several chemicals that commonly cause
illusions. And your lungs are in pretty bad shape, so stay away from
smoking.

I dont trust
doctors, spat Dale, smoking a cigarette (they should take those
away from patients!) and coughing.

Before the ending
turned into the clich it was only a dream thing, a
purple cat jumped through the window and cackled wickedly. Dale
jumped onto it, causing his crazy level to jump from 505 to
549. Thats right, there are levels of insanity.

THE END