King Of The Hill Porn Story: No Holds Barred – Chapter 1

The sequel to KOTH: Unleashed! Practically the same randomness, except I don’t describe the title sequence and I didn’t write this because I missed a show. Please try to enjoy. Hopefully this is as bad as the last one!

Check this out, Dad! Bobby said.

On the TV, there was an OutKast video playing. There was a girl in the sun and it was screaming, Oh, my God! It burns like hell! Who put me through this crap? Then there were people in the walls and they were going, Ow, this hurts so bad! Who shoved us in the wall?

Later, there was a guy in a poster and he had a chicken on his face. He said, I hope this chicken doesnt kill me! It didnt, but it poked out his eye.

Then there were these guys driving a car and a marching band was tied down under the hood. They were bending the sheet metal above them to try to get out. Then the car got possessed and it was talking. It was saying, We are the dark lord!

Then a Bush impersonator from Mind of Mencia said, Are you Colin Powell?

Then the dog got possessed and it said, Im going to go put a dog on you. We are darker than that!

Condoleezza? the Bush impersonator said.

The dog ripped apart everyone in the car and drove it out of the TV. It ran over Hank. It possessed Ladybird and she turned purple. She had an evil look, which was the same sad look she always had. Hank screamed, Bwaaaaaaahhh!

To the Flowers of Time! Bobby shouted. He got on his bike and pedaled a foot, then got too tired to walk after that. So he crawled and he saw the possessed flowers with girls faces on them. He ripped it out of the ground.

Oh, my God! Why the hell did you do that?

Then Bobby aimed the flower at the possessed car and fired a bunch of possessed hummingbirds that were counting up to 100 in a helium voice. The car blew up and Ladybird became not possessed. Then the marching band, now a bunch of, you guessed it, possessed zombies, climbed out of the wreckage.

Jiujutsu sushi Tamagotchi! Ladybird said, calling for whatever that raccoons spirit that Bobby had for a while. There was a not blinding light, then Bobby threw the flower at it.

Ow, so hot! the flower screamed.

The light faded, revealing

What the hell are you doing? Hank angrily asked.

Whut thuh huh ur yu doon? that idiot teenager who took advantage of Bill and is now in the Army said.

Tom Nook, from Animal Crossing.

Yes, yes, welcome! Feel free to browse, but try not to carouse! Ho, ho.

What did you call me? Peggy said. Then she pulled out a paddle and started hitting Nook.

You still owe 1,450,657,200 Bells on your house. You can continue to pay through the post office for tax reasons, hm?

Then Tom Nook formed an energy ball which had a girls face on it, screaming, Ow! This sucks!

He fired it at the marching band, which blew up and turned into a bunch of Lego people. Then Luanne entered and said, I dont have a house. It tipped over.

Suddenly, everyone slammed into the west wall, as that was the side now underground. It will be an additional 654,435,432,350 Bells for labor, hm?

Then Resetti popped out and said, You didnt reset! You do know you should reset, dont you? Reset or die!

Then Eminem jumped out with a superhero costume on and a huge butt strapped to his own. He sat on Resetti. My bum is on your lips, so give it a kiss! Then he farted really loudly. My CD skipped, so I let one rip!

Then Dr. Evil crashed through the window in a submarine shaped like himself and said, Welcome to my lair. Its long–

I demand 100 million Bells, Tom Nook said, doing the classic Dr. Evil pose.

Throw me a frickin bone here!

Then the scene zoomed out, showing that it was in a TV and Peter Griffin of Family Guy popped in, humming a dramatic theme.

Time for a sexy party! Stewie said. He donned a sailor suit and had several Playboy girls come in and run around and dance along with him.

In Space Colony ARK from Sonic Adventure 2, everyone was looking stunned at the monitor. Thats my grandfathers last message? Dr. Eggman asked.

I guess, Tails replied. Come on, weve got work to do.

Eat my shorts! Bart said.

and thats why I didnt do my homework, Bart explained to Principal Skinner.

Now why did your father burn his pants? Skinner asked.

Gotdangit! Hank yelled. I got propane in my urethra again!

Hap penis, Peggy said. Penis. Ovaries. VAGINA!

Hank spit out Alamo Beer all over Tom Nook, who automatically became drunk. Look at me, Im carousing! he said before throwing up on the wrecked car.

Who else but Quagmire? an announcer announced, again.

Giggity, giggity, giggity! Quagmire said.

This is really (beep)ed up right now, Stan from South Park said.

and that is how the word carouse came into existence, Tom Nook explained to Timmy and Tommy, who were his sons, nephews, uncles, sisters, mother-in-laws, unrelated fine China, and fathers. They were all in the library next to a fireplace.

Burn the truth, burn the truth! Homer said, throwing the library into the fire all at once.